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alwa 2026-02-21 17:18 UTC link

(1988) and real cute

From an OG computer scientist [0], about antics at age 12 which might strike some of us as familiar :)

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Earnest

lacoolj 2026-02-21 17:30 UTC link

Wonder if author name is Alice

breadchris 2026-02-21 17:32 UTC link

I got distracted by how incredible owning milk.com is

boothby 2026-02-21 17:47 UTC link

Boggles the mind that the advice from the security was to lie on the form, which is almost certainly a felony.

avodonosov 2026-02-21 18:12 UTC link

This story was written in another text also and discussed on HN. It was longer and the author also described how later in life he introduced a standard to wear hemlets on bicycle competitions. (Sorry, I dont have a link handy)

svag 2026-02-21 18:30 UTC link

Not related to this story, but this one https://milk.com/true-stories/stupid_computer_users.txt was hilarious :)

moron4hire 2026-02-21 18:40 UTC link

I have a somewhat similar story involving the death of an extremely elderly neighbor by an accident on his farm, and the suspicion by the state police that I at 12 years old had murdered him, based solely on someone saying they thought they saw me messing with his mailbox from a car that was similar to the one parked in our driveway. The mailbox which stood directly next to ours at the end of an easily walkable driveway. So yes, Mr. SF-86, I had once been investigated for a felony. Oh, you're only supposed to tell the truth if the truth will help the government catch to a bad guy? Very impressive system, sir. Top notch.

TrackerFF 2026-02-21 18:51 UTC link

The fact is that even for (NATO) top secret security clearances, there are lots of people that lie through their teeth, and receive the clearance. Obviously on things that aren't in any records. The big ones being alcohol use, drug use, personal finances, foreign partners. Some are more forgiving than others, though.

The military is unfortunately chock full of functional alcoholics. As long as they don't get caught drunk on the job, seen partying too much, DIU, or admit anything to their doctor, they keep getting renewed their clearance.

Interestingly enough, if there's even the smallest suspicious that you smoke weed, they'll put you through the wringer. I've seen more people lose their clearance for pissing hot, than those with six figure debts or drinking 5 days a week.

gwbas1c 2026-02-21 18:58 UTC link

I ran a dial-up BBS in the late 1990s. One summer a few of my loyal users suddenly stopped calling.

About a year later I learned that one of my users hacked an airport. At the time a few of my users would set their computers to dial random numbers and find modems answering. One of the numbers was a very strange system with no password. The story I heard was that they didn't know what the system was, because it had no identifying information. https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/doj-charges-...

grepfru_it 2026-02-21 19:06 UTC link

In case you want to read about the proactive information speeding up your security clearance: https://catless.ncl.ac.uk/Risks/6/50

godelski 2026-02-21 19:28 UTC link

Security clearances are probably a really good example of Goodhart's Law.

One reason for all these questions is really to determine if someone can be blackmailed, and thus a security risk. (Big reason they look at your financials and why debt can cause you to lose clearance) But the letter of the law trumps the spirit. A common lie these days is about weed usage. You may get or entirely rejected for having smoked in the past even if you don't today (e.g. you tried it once in college but didn't like it). So everyone lies and it creates a system where people are even told to and encouraged to lie, like in TFA. The irony being that this is exactly what creates the situation for blackmail! Now you can get blackmailed for having that past thing cause you to lose your job as well as lying on your clearance form.

Honestly it seems smarter to let the skeletons out of the closet. Spill your secrets to the gov. Sure, maybe the gov can blackmail you but a foreign government can't blackmail you for something that the gov already knows. You can still have filters but the dynamic really needs to change. Bureaucracy creates its own downfall. To reference another comment, I'd rather a functional alcoholic have a clearance and the gov know about it than a functional alcoholic have a security clearance and the gov not know about it (or pretend to not know). We've somehow turned clearance checks into security risks. What an idiotic thing to do

sam_lowry_ 2026-02-21 19:34 UTC link

I once worked at a top financial firm which had regular background checks from Pinkerton (yeah, that very agency from the books and with bad US history).

They sent me a questionnaire asking to fill personal details in a Word file while their email signature said not to disclose personal details over email.

Security clearance business is rotten to the core.

rdtsc 2026-02-21 19:40 UTC link

> When I handed the form in to the security officer, he scanned it quickly, looked me over slowly, then said, ``Explain this''--pointing at the FBI question. I described what had happened. He got very agitated, picked up my form, tore it in pieces, and threw it in the waste basket.

> He then got out a blank form and handed it to me, saying ``Here, fill it out again and don't mention that. If you do, I'll make sure that you never get a security clearance.''

It's important to "see like the government" when dealing with the government (pun on "seeing like a bank" by https://www.bitsaboutmoney.com/archive/seeing-like-a-bank/ if anyone didn't catch the reference).

Everything fits into bins and categories with checkmarks and such. As an entity it has no "bin" for "investigated as Japanese spy as a joke when was a child". So you have to pick the closest bin that matches. However, that doesn't mean the same government later won't turn around also punish you for not picking the right "bin". Not "realizing" that it's its own fault for not having enough categories i.e. bins for you to pick. And, some may argue, that's a feature not a bug...

acomjean 2026-02-21 20:16 UTC link

This happened to my mom when being interviewed when coming over here in the 60s. During verbal questioning she said something like “of course”. The government agent turned deep red and asked her if she understood the question (English isn’t her first language and she hadn’t). She’s been here since.

I kind of get that the agent is looking out for the applicant in this story. You have no idea what’s going to happen when you do a security clearance thing and they ask about this and that. How serious is the wrong answer.

Excepting my favorite question which something like “have you ever tried to topple the government?”

The system is messed up when screening for honesty encourages people to lie.

bjt12345 2026-02-21 20:18 UTC link

I admire people who don't lie about past drug use on their clearance forms. Sure, it might delay their clearance, but I still admire them.

The core social problem with drug addiction and alcoholicism is this concept of telling people what you think they want to hear from you, not telling them the truth.

cheese_van 2026-02-21 22:05 UTC link

It might have been 2002, can't remember, when they upgraded the e-QIP software for the security check form.

I was doing my mandatory update coincidental with the roll-out and when I got to the question, "mother a US citizen" I had to check the "no" box and the immediate pop-up was "date of first contact?" which actually got me thinking along existential lines for a moment.

rkagerer 2026-02-21 22:23 UTC link

This one's fun too: https://milk.com/wall-o-shame/two_dollars.html

keepamovin 2026-02-22 02:11 UTC link

At least we now know that everyone working in classified programs is above reproach and cleaner than clean. It's a good thing too, because working without accountability in secret would definitely be abused, but thankfully that's not the case because the people hired are too pure and good.

It's also a very good filter for high openness and creativity, ensuring that the most sensitive works attracts the most brilliant creative geniuses. Truly these nations know how to develop their advantages in the best way.

rurban 2026-02-22 06:08 UTC link

All the articles at https://milk.com/wall-o-shame/ are a goldmine. I prefer the one of a student called ''Missile'' Seitz buying a missile for nothing, and then didn't have to pay income taxes for several years